Faith
Making a Change
I’ve been reading Jen Sincero’s wonderful book You are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth. There is a chapter entitled “Faith and Gratitudinal Gold” that reminds me of my big career change, almost 20 years ago, now.
Let me back up a bit to the years before I jumped off the cliff and made this change.
Surrender and Transformation
I had taken a new position at a biotech company in Boston, having left my beloved home and comfort zone of Boulder, Colorado. I had some gnawing for change, knowing there was something big about to happen. That move knocked me off my feet and slammed me down, very hard. I fell into a deep and dark depression, very alone and trapped in New England by my employment contract. My one prayer at the time became, “Please help me understand what it means to have faith because I have none.” That’s all I could reach for. The choice was surrender…or not.
The dictionary definition of faith is, by the way, “Firm belief in something for which there is no proof.”
On my knees, I surrendered. OK God, the Universe, whatever you are, show me the way. Help me understand what it means to have faith. I was dying inside.
That’s when things really began to change. I followed crumbs and doors opened in unexpected ways that led me to the therapy training program that was the beginning of my path as a therapist. I followed the suggestion of a friend to check out Kripalu Center for Yoga in West Stockbridge, MA. I joke about becoming the “Accidental Therapist,” because I never had any thought or intention of becoming a therapist.
Embracing Change: A Leap of Faith
Fast forward to 2001. I had moved back to Boulder in January 1998, after completing my 3-year therapy training in Boston (and staying at the biotech job for which I had the employment contract). I had taken two more jobs in biotech. I had had a wonderful and successful career, but something told me it was time for the big change. One of my mentors told me I had to pull both feet into one world or the other. I couldn’t keep straddling both, as I was working 32 hours at my biotech job, had begun graduate school and had a small private practice on the side. One day my boss came to me, telling me I had to go full-time, 40 hours/week, or resign. So….I quit. I jumped off the cliff. I quit my 15-year career, without a financial safety net, not knowing how I was going to make it, or if I had wings that would allow me to fly.
There was something driving me, something unshakable: faith. My answered prayer. I had unshakable faith that I was making the right move. I still had major obstacles to work through, with my issues around money, what I call “fear of the bag lady.” There were huge issues in my family around money and how it was used to manipulate my brothers and me. I hated what it represented to me. I have had to work very hard to resolve my issues with money, which Jen Sincero addresses brilliantly in her book.
Failure was not in my vocabulary. I set my mind and heart to do something I had fallen in love with: working with people to help them resolve their deepest core issues and traumas, to become the bright beings we are meant to become. And I had faith that this was my dharma, my calling.
Reflections on Transformation
I look back on that time in my life, those years in Boston, as the most difficult years of my life. Yet, they were the years that changed my life. When I tell this story, the depth of which is not conveyed in this blog post, I have to remind myself, “this really did happen.” It did! It happened to me.
Jen Sincero says in her book, “Your fortune is in your faith.” I would add determination, or in yoga what we refer to as “iccha shakti” or unstoppable will, to that.
More to come….! In the meantime, YOU CAN DO IT, whatever “it” is. I’m here to support you and assist in working through the obstacles that are in the way of achieving your dreams.
With Gratitude,
Linda
If you’re struggling to move forward from past trauma, contact us to see how trauma therapy can help.