Couples Therapy
Have You Been Feeling Lonely In Your Relationship?
Are you and your partner struggling to connect emotionally?
Do you feel like all your arguments escalate and never resolve?
Have differences in sex drive made intimacy complicated?
Maybe past issues with infidelity have created a lack of trust between you. Perhaps your relationship is characterized by a lack of satisfying communication and the smallest disagreements blow up in your faces. The two of you quickly get into the “blame frame” instead of speaking from your feelings, and you remain polarized in your opinions and refuse to hear each other’s viewpoints. Deep down, you might feel like your partner just doesn’t see, hear, or understand you. As a result, you may be thinking that it’s time to see a couples counselor.
Maybe Your Relationship Is Healthy, But You Want To Nip Potential Problems In The Bud
You and your significant other may be considering getting married and making a long-term commitment, but you want to make sure you’re starting off on the right foot. Perhaps you’re looking to address potential areas of conflict so that you can get ahead of the game and address underlying issues that could surface later on in your marriage. You want to ensure you’re on the same page regarding parenting, finances, sex, and other factors that will determine your relationship’s longevity.
Whether you want to save your marriage or strengthen a connection that’s already strong, I encourage you to pursue counseling with me. As a therapist who specializes in working with couples at various stages of life’s journey, I’m confident that I can help you let go of old traumas and burdens and forge a new chapter in the story of your relationship.
If Your Relationship Is Struggling, You’re Not Alone
Every relationship goes through seasons of ebbs and flows. Despite what your social media feed may suggest, no marriage is a walk in the park. Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of any relationship, and without it, connections can’t grow. The key is being able to regulate conflict so that it is constructive and doesn’t drive you and your partner further apart.
In today’s world, it’s harder than ever for couples to maintain strong connections. We live in an increasingly isolated and individualistic society, and families tend to be very spread apart. As a result, many couples end up trying to navigate their challenges alone because they lack adequate family support. This is especially tough for couples with kids, since they often have to do all the caretaking themselves instead of relying on family to help. Without outside support, it’s much easier for conflicts to spiral out of control and couples to fall into unhealthy and outdated patterns.
Many Couples Need An Outside Observer To Help Them Understand Their Relationship Dynamics
The truth is that most people have not been taught good communication skills. Many of them come from the "blame frame," blaming their partner for relationship issues instead of being accountable for their contribution. Couples get stuck in these patterns, not being able to "see the forest through the trees.” They are not aware of the "parts" that may be carrying old traumas and burdens that affect their relationship dynamics. They don’t understand how their early childhood relationships may be impacting their ability to connect with each other in the present.
This is why it’s so important for couples to have the insight of an outside observer. The right therapist can help them understand how and why they keep falling into old patterns and give them fresh new ways of looking at their marital challenges.
Therapy Can Help Couples Heal Old Wounds And Create A More Harmonious Future
All of us are influenced by our family of origin and childhood attachment issues. Unconsciously, we all bring these issues into our intimate relationships and project them onto our partners. The aim of counseling is not only to help you understand the parts you carry into present-day relationships, but to heal core beliefs and traumas so that you and your partner can show up for each other in new ways.
I offer therapy for couples who are married, engaged, in long-term relationships, and in any other form of committed partnership—the only requirement is that there is no domestic violence. The long-term goals generally revolve around saving the relationship, but sometimes they can also involve exploring if couples need to separate or consciously disconnect. I do not provide divorce counseling, but if the therapeutic process leads you and your partner to go your separate ways, I would be more than happy to assist you in peacefully dissolving your marriage or relationship.
What To Expect In Couples Therapy Sessions
Initially, I will generally meet with you and your significant other together to get an idea of what’s happening in your relationship. Then, I’ll have a session with each of you separately so that I can understand the deeper issues going on that you may not be sharing in joint sessions. When that’s done, we will resume meeting together and begin the deeper work of exploring family of origin issues, attachment styles, unresolved traumas, and other challenges in your relationship.
First, I usually teach couples mindfulness skills so that each partner can slow down and observe their reactions to conflict in real time. Then, depending on the presenting issues, I may teach Non-Violent Communication (NVC) to help you and your significant other focus on speaking from your feelings instead of getting lost in the blame game.
I can also utilize Hakomi therapy to explore core beliefs hindering your relationship and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you understand how your parts interact with your significant other’s parts during moments of conflict. For partners who are dealing with trauma, I might use Eye Movement Desensitization (EMDR) to help them process and resolve the pain of the past.
Additionally, I always encourage clients in couples counseling to engage in individual therapy, too; that way, there is adequate room to work through individual attachment issues and mental health challenges. As long as you and your partner are committed to healing your emotional wounds and relating to each other in new and novel ways, I believe that you can breathe new life into your marriage or relationship.
You May Have Some Questions About Couples Therapy…
Won’t talking about our relationship issues just make us fight more?
Sometimes, when the status quo is disrupted (e.g., one partner learns about setting appropriate boundaries and untangling codependency), things may appear to get worse—but that’s just a natural facet of the healing process. As long as both partners are committed to the healing process, the potential outcome is a healthier relationship.
What if I’m viewed as the “identified patient”?
My client is the relationship, meaning that I hold both partners accountable as they seek to identify the underlying issues in their relationship. I will not allow blame, nor will I allow one partner to become the identified patient. Instead, I will cultivate a safe space for both you and your significant other to voice your concerns and work on healing core beliefs and traumas.
What happens if my partner doesn’t want to come to therapy?
This is a common issue in couples therapy. Generally, I will work with the willing partner first, with the reluctant partner observing. I aspire to create a safe environment for both partners to feel safe and accepted, but sometimes I may need to approach the reluctant partner more slowly. I offer hope that if both partners sincerely want to save their relationship, there is a way through.
Breathe New Life Into Your Marriage Or Relationship
If you want to deepen your intimacy, communicate more effectively, and find new ways of relating to each other, I encourage you to pursue couples counseling with me. To learn more about how I assist couples, you can call (303) 507-6310 or use the contact form.
Relationship issues, as well as attraction to a particular person, usually begin with the family of origin. We tend to pick partners that somehow resemble one or both of our parents.